CHAPTER 3
INBOX 786
‘Why didn’t you tell me that you were going to meet my bhabhi,’ Kavya kicked me.
We were in Mumbai for some official work.
‘You were sleeping when I left,’ I replied, I had a cup of coffee in my left hand and
held a piece of bread in my mouth.
‘You asshole,’ she kicked again on my back…quite hard this time.
‘Stop it. Now I have to send these reports.’
‘Baby, it’s 8.00 p.m.’
‘Yes, I know, but I have to go to Delhi this Friday so I have to send these. Now don’t
disturb me for two hours,’ I said, turning back to my laptop.
‘Yes, yes, do your work, else Neha will feel bad.’ She tried to pull my leg.
‘It’s official not personal. By the way, Neha is married and she is your manager, too,’
I smiled at her.
‘Fuck off, man. I’ve seen those party photographs in which it looked like she was
completely all over you…,’ she said.
‘That was a group photograph and she was standing just behind me not “falling all
over” me…’ I laughed. She stood up and said, ‘I’m worried about you. The India Today
survey says 12 per cent people are in open marriages where partners know and are okay
with affairs outside marriage.’
‘Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere. Why don’t I have three hands? I have to send
these reports as soon as possible,’ I took the piece of bread in my hand and said,
stretching my body.
‘You have three hands. You are using two and there is one between your legs that you
haven’t used for very long.’ she showed me a paper making a hole in that and wrote ass
just above it—asshole. She laughed devilishly and I showed her a vampire face. She ran
away to the hall.
I sent those reports and a pop up message flashed on my Google talk. He was Vishal.
He was now famous as macho man among people of his group because of his
machogiri.
Vishal: What’s going on, man? She was looking so gorgeous and hot today.
Me: Who?
Vishal: Deepika… Look at her curves 34-25-36 and especially her ass…perfect.
Me: Lol. Why do you do all these things?
I wanted to know why he was always this weird and he had a simple answer for that.
Vishal: Girls always like my herogiri. I’ll not die with the regret that I couldn’t sleep
with the sexiest girl. I will not die thinking that I drove only Maruti 800 in today’s world
of Ferrari, Ascari and McLaren. Even you should try once.
Me: I’m happy with my Bajaj Chetak life.
I had some other priorities in life and I believed that even girls who like boys like
this, liked them only for thrills and sex; in reality, they don’t really ‘like’ them as people.
Girls like funny people to have fun with and want a decent man to spend the rest of their
life—my mind said this and my heart supported it and I accepted this fact
wholeheartedly.
Vishal: have you got any reply from Ria.
Me: No.
The mentioning of the name was enough to made me fall for her, yet again.
Me: Chal…logging out. Take care. Good night.
I checked my G-mail account, clicked on sent items randomly and looked at Ria’s
photographs and went through the longest voicemail to listen to her voice. Even small
things associated with the one you love give you great pleasure.
I had been doing this for more than two years now.
Because (I thought) we had a fight just for a gold chain and she was so much angry with me that we didn’t talk to each other till the date. Sometimes I used to think, ‘Am I
okay? Why am I doing the same thing every day? Is this not madness?’
At the next moment, I assured myself that if this was madness then I was happy with
it, at least I didn’t need sleeping pills. I
clicked one of those old chats.
Chat with Ria:
Ria <m…16cool@gmail.com> to me
10:46 p.m. Me: What are you doing?
Ria: Nothing, I have been waiting for you for the last 45 minutes.
10:46 Me: Oh my shona, I’m so sorry. I was with Mamma.
Ria: What is she doing?
Me: Packing food and the basen ke laddoo I got her to make especially for you.
Ria: Oh really, say love you to aunty.
Me: I’ll say thanks to mom and keep love you for me.
Ria: Thanks
10:49 p.m. Me: For what? :O
Ria: For being with me always. I love you.
Me: Love you too. Now go to sleep. It’s late.
Ria: No
Me: What no?
Ria: Just want to hear your voice for some time.
Me: Okay, you come in your room. I’ll call you.
Ria: Luvvvvvv youuuuuu
Me: Love you tooooo.
My cell phone beeped with a message.
My eyes fell on my inbox. It showed…Inbox (786)
As Kavya always said that 786 is a lucky number and coincidentally my inbox
showed 786 messages, so I was curious to open it. I just clicked on it. The mail had
come from the email id—m…16cool@gmail.com. Everything stopped for a moment and
I started going through it—
Hi Hitesh,
I know this will come as a shock for you and that’s obvious. Please
read this mail patiently.
We realize many things in life when we lose everything. I don’t
know at what stage I am but I loved you a lot and this heart still
beats for you. I have made many mistakes but there were some reasons
behind them. I don’t know whether you love me still but I want to
share a few things about my life that I never shared with you earlier—
Every girl needs a support. Every girl wants love of a family.
Every girl wants to be happy and loved by someone in her life. My dad
was everything for me. I could leave anything in my life but never my
dad.
When a girl says that she wants ‘space’, that doesn’t mean
distance. It means she wants an open sky to shape her desires, wishes
and dreams. Many times, I felt insecure because I had no goals.
After all vicissitudes, I never believed in love and relationships
because I was deeply hurt.
When I came out of all this, you came in my life and we became good
friends. I had never even dreamt of this true and pure friendship.
I didn’t feel that you
were not with me even for a single moment. Any girl dreams for a guy
like you and I started loving you but I didn’t want to break my
friendship and somewhere I also feared that someday you’d also leave
me, so I never told you that I love you.
You always pampered me as my dad used to, you listened to me as an
elder sister and you always discussed everything with me like the best
partner in the world.
We loved each other deeply but I
fought with you many times in frustration because I needed you
physically close to me and that desperation came out as anger. Being
physical doesn’t mean you have to have sex every time but that you
need a physical presence to support, pamper and love you. When a girl
loves someone, she wants to come close to her love emotionally and
physically. Physical need is equally important as emotions and
feelings in a relationship. Moreover, when you came, we had a good
time. Months passed and you fulfilled all my dreams.
Misunderstandings come in every relationship and I fought with you
many times. I was wrong at many points of time but I didn’t mean to
hurt you. Day by day things went in the wrong direction. I tried to
manage but I couldn’t. Expecting too much in a relationship brings
trouble sometimes and I did the same. However, when I thought to meet
you, next day you were with me. I just loved the way you made me feel
every moment. I can surely say it’s impossible to find a guy like you.
It was May, I got a call from Mamma that dad was in the hospital and
when I left,
I had lost my dad. I started hating love because I was very hurt. I
had lost everything after losing my dad.
We didn’t talk much during those days and I stopped talking to
everyone. I stopped bathing and eating. I just missed my dad sitting
in my room and cried. I used to throw the food in the dustbin and one
day when Mami came to know about it, she realized that I had some
serious problems. My menstruation cycle stopped all of a sudden for
three months. I was shocked, took the pregnancy test, and told my
mother. When my Mamma and mami talked to the doctor, she said that
mental stress can temporarily alter the functioning of the
hypothalamus—an area of your brain that controls the hormones that
regulate your menstrual cycle.
I used to fight with everyone and I started hating people who
talked about me. For two months I didn’t go to college and when you
called me, I needed you and wanted to tell you everything but I
shouted on you and we couldn’t manage.
We fought and I cried alone. The mishap happened so I couldn’t meet
you.After two months, I started going to college and if someone
listened to me, it was Arpan—but he was just a friend then. He cared
for me and listened to me. He never made me feel lonely. He was a very
good friend. Many times, I felt you in his deeds and behaviour. I
started sharing my feelings with him and he started liking me. I never
liked him more than a friend.
One day he called me for a movie, I went with him, as he was my
good friend but nothing more than that. In the middle of the movie, he
kissed me. I tried to stop him but that happened and he went ahead and
came physically close to me.
After returning from the theatre, I didn’t talk to him but I missed
you too much. Whenever we fought and cried in frustration, he made me
happy. Even in college he took care of me when my dad left.
I started talking to him and again we went for a movie and the same
things happened. I regretted after doing this but I failed in front of
hormonal changes in my body. I started hiding things from you but I
never loved him. I didn’t know what I was doing. This continued for a
few fortnights.
One day, our group of friends planned a party at his place. He
called me to his house an hour earlier, however. When I reached there,
no one else had arrived yet and he asked me to wait while he made
coffee for me.
I was having coffee and he hugged me from behind. I tried to stop
him but he forced me to come closer. By hook or crook, his wishes won
and what happened next was something I never expected, not even in my
worst nightmares. He pushed me on the bed and put on a condom. He
started tearing my clothes off while I struggled under him. I screamed
and when he came to know that I had my periods, he slapped me and
threw me on the floor. All this felt like a horrible dream. I ran away
and cried the whole night.
That day I tried your number but your number didn’t exist because
you had moved to Chandigarh. Before I could try to find you, next morning
Arpan felt sorry for whatever he had done but it didn’t matter
anymore. I had lost my virginity. That was a day when again I was hurt
and felt cursed being a girl. Without saying anything, I ran away.
Again, I thought of contacting you but I had already hurt you a lot
and it had been more than two years. Why would you accept me; someone
who had lost her virginity with someone else. Making myself believe
that you must have forgotten me, I never tried again to contact you. I
used to cry alone in my room. One day when I fainted in college, my
friend Shruti asked about me, and I told everything to her. Shruti
called my mother and Mami. They took me to the doctor to consult about
my health because I had lost seven kgs in a month. It was shocking for
everyone that I was suffering from Hemolytic anaemia. Red blood cells
in my body were getting destroyed and I had a lower than normal number
of red blood cells. My condition worsened and I needed blood every
fortnight.
One moment I was happy and the other, I shouted. I only started
thinking about myself and became desperate to get whatever I wanted to
achieve. People started discussing about me saying things like I was
insane and mentally tortured. I wanted to prove to them that I was
still a girl, who was the prettiest of all. This thought gave me some
comfort and my life became normal. I never regretted whatever I did.
My arrogant behaviour hurt many of my friends. I could see changes in
my language and behaviour; I was becoming very selfish and spent my
day indulging in daydreams. My mental health worsened even more.
Mamaji and Mamma consulted doctors; they diagnosed me as a patient of
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), Psychotic and Manic disorders
together. This was horrible to accept.
They suggested consulting specialists for these disorders. I had
never heard of these disorders and then I read about them and that
scared me. Everything was ruined in two weeks. Every day seemed like
the last day of my life and every week that I lived was a blessing.
Doctors said that NPD and psychotic disorders were severe and I
couldn’t be cured completely. I started living my life on mercy.
Everybody treated me like a patient and that made me weaker every day.
Everybody started ignoring me; I lost my friends and their trust
because I used the wrong way to achieve my goals. I was scared of
nights and sleep. In the middle of the night, I used to wake up and
cry. I stopped going to college. It took me around six months to come
out of this horrible phase of my life and these disorders but I was
still having the mood swings. Things changed and I started going to
college and completed my MBA.
Yesterday, I was coming back from my office and my eyes fell on an
unknown girl who was reading a blog on her laptop. Firstly, I ignored her but the
last name written on the blog caught my attention as the first name
was not clearly visible. I went ahead and asked her about the blog.
When I turned the page, it was you. I couldn’t understand what was
that and what to do. I just read the blog and
finished it in half an hour.
Hitesh, I know I have hurt you but I love you a lot. I know it’s not
possible for any guy to accept a girl like me but I know about my
guy:) This heart still beats for you. If I still deserve you, I’ll
wait for you till the last breath.
Waiting for your call. I’m coming to Chandigarh next week, hope to meet
you.
Your still-stupid girl,
Ria.
CHAPTER 4
WHO COULD WAIT FOR HEAVEN?
My eyes were wet as I sank to the floor. There was pain in them but those teardrops
poured a deep happiness into my heart. I hugged the laptop and closed my eyes for some
time. Why? Why? Why did you take so long to tell me?
I could feel her presence in my veins. That moment was untold, unpredictable and
not less than a dream that had come true. I felt a tingling in my stomach and anticipation
that I couldn’t explain to anyone. I felt captivated, charmed, ecstatic, elated and
joyous…all at the same time. My lips stretched into a broad smile and my eyes filled
with tears of patience, love and dedication.
Those pages stayed in my life forever. For a moment I couldn’t understand what had
happened—I had found the one for whom I had left everything, my friends, my family
and my life. All my dreams came to life once again. In my madness of love, I took my
cell phone and dialled her number and then suddenly our old days came in front of me. It
was tough but I disconnected the call and at the same time, I called Varun. Those rings
seemed much longer than the other day. I was walking in the room, smiling alone with
tears.
‘Again you’ve called me in the middle of the night. Do one thing, come marry me and
be with me forever. Can’t you see me happy?’ he said in an unclear voice.
His tinkling voice made me laugh but I couldn’t because I remembered and realized
something. I followed his words and responded, ‘Varun, I’m serious. I wanted to tell
you something from so many days but didn’t have the courage to say it. We both are very
good friends, we know about each and everything. Even I know that you’re thinking the
same thing now.’ he fell silent.
‘I was just looking at my mail and I got her back in my life,’ I said in a very low
voice. Suddenly he asked, ‘What did you say?’ I replied in the same tone, slow and
low, ‘I just got her mail. She’s coming to Chandigarh next week.’
He started shouting, ‘You bitch…bastard…fuck off…you got her back. I’m so happy
for you. Tell me everything from the starting, how and when?’
‘She has sent me a long mail. I knew that she loved me a lot and she has written
everything in it and has given her number so that I can contact her. I don’t know how to
react.’
‘Then what are you doing? You have her back…the one you waited for so long. I
salute your love story, man. You won’t believe in the morning my right eye was flickering
and now I know the reason why,’ he seemed emotional but happy for me.
There are some beliefs about flickering eyes in Hindu mythology. Some people
believe it brings good luck and some believe it brings bad luck. If a man’s right eye
flickers, it’s a good sign for him and if his left eye flickers, then it is considered bad. In
case of women, it’s the opposite.
‘This should be a great meeting, so I’m going to Kurukshetra tomorrow. You sleep, see
you,’ I said.
‘Good night. I haven’t seen a crazy guy like you. Inform me whenever you reach
here, meet her and meet me if you get time from your so called shona,’ he teased me but
there was sweetness, love and care in his words. He disconnected the call. I threw the
phone on the bed and walked to the kitchen and had a glass of water, moved to the wash
room and washed my sleepy face.
I booked a flight ticket for 5.00 a.m. as she used to leave 9.00 a.m.
so that was perfect time to give her a surprise. I texted Neha early in the morning—This
may surprise you but the day has come to meet my girl. I’m leaving for kurukshetra, boarding
the flight, so switching off my cell phone. Thank you for being with me, my dream has
come true today.
‘What will I gift her, I don’t have anything to give her! If I don’t get anything in the
morning in Kurukshetra, then…’ I felt helpless, as I had nothing to gift her. I looked at the statue
of Lord Shiva and smiled with pleasure. I picked the red sacred thread and kept it in a
box. In Hindu religion, marriageable maidens pray to Lord Shiva for the husband of their
choice. They even fast on Mondays to push their wish list to Lord Shiva. According to
Hindu beliefs, the month of Saawan, which begins mid-July, is auspicious for unmarried
girls and if they observe somwari vrat (fast) on either one, two or sixteen Mondays, they
are blessed with good husbands.
Therefore, I picked up the thread as a sacrament of Lord Shiva. I came downstairs.
‘Should I call an autorickshaw?’ Manoj, the security guard asked. He always took care
of me and I used to sit with him whenever I felt alone and we shared a strong bond. He
used to discuss his problems with me.
‘No, I’ll catch one from the next crossing. I’m leaving for Kurukshetra, you take care of
yourself. I discussed about your salary with the manager of the society, hope you’ll get it
this week.’ I patted his shoulder and picked up my bag.
‘Thank you,’ he looked happy.
I caught the cab at the next turn after walking for five minutes. My heart began racing
the moment the cab pulled into the airport parking lot.
I could sense the excitement of passengers waiting to be flown to their far-flung
dream destinations like me.
‘Lover Boy,’ my mind said to me in a honeyed voice. This happened after almost two
years when my mind and my heart felt the same thing at the same time, ‘Lover Boy’ else
my mind always talked about pros and cons, and my heart always talked about love.
I reached the airport. There were different kinds of people there. The smell of sweet
perfume mingled with the smell of jet fuel. I recognized the smell of fading perfumes that
women were wearing. The whir of wheels on marble and concrete mixed with the
mechanical, yet pleasant, voices on the public address systems calling for someone to go
to the nearest courtesy phone, or announcing that flight 346 is now boarding at gate 7. As
I joined the queue at the check-in desk, I could see groups of people talking about travel
and what they would do when they arrived in Delhi. They seemed excited. Their faces
were brimming with happiness. I developed a virtual relationship with the passengers
who were travelling to Kurukshetra; it soon seemed like I knew every one of them.
There was still an hour to go before I reached my destination. I felt the thrum of the
engines at take-off and the vibration of the plane during the flight in my skin and I could
feel the fragrance of love all around. I closed my eyes and smiled alone.
‘What happened?’ A cute baby girl sitting next to me with her mother pinched my
hand softly, raised her eyebrows in naughtiness, and blinked. I smiled at her. He mother
held her hand and said, ‘Baby, sit properly.’ I touched her cheeks softly and asked,
‘What’s your name?’
Before her mother could say something, the baby girl answered, ‘My name is Mukta
but Mamma calls me Mukku beta.’
‘Hawww shoo shweettt…’
She looked so cute and her babbling voice won my heart. As I heard a couple behind
me chatting about the weather in Kurukshetra, it looked as I expected…so romantic. Things
become pink, days become long, and nights become short when you fall in love. Life can
change anytime, so just live the day and consider it the best day of your life.
Knotting threads of romance in my heart, I was on the way to meet her.
The sky seemed dark when you were sad,
And the plane landed at the Delhi airport and I took the taxi for my destination….
INBOX 786
‘Why didn’t you tell me that you were going to meet my bhabhi,’ Kavya kicked me.
We were in Mumbai for some official work.
‘You were sleeping when I left,’ I replied, I had a cup of coffee in my left hand and
held a piece of bread in my mouth.
‘You asshole,’ she kicked again on my back…quite hard this time.
‘Stop it. Now I have to send these reports.’
‘Baby, it’s 8.00 p.m.’
‘Yes, I know, but I have to go to Delhi this Friday so I have to send these. Now don’t
disturb me for two hours,’ I said, turning back to my laptop.
‘Yes, yes, do your work, else Neha will feel bad.’ She tried to pull my leg.
‘It’s official not personal. By the way, Neha is married and she is your manager, too,’
I smiled at her.
‘Fuck off, man. I’ve seen those party photographs in which it looked like she was
completely all over you…,’ she said.
‘That was a group photograph and she was standing just behind me not “falling all
over” me…’ I laughed. She stood up and said, ‘I’m worried about you. The India Today
survey says 12 per cent people are in open marriages where partners know and are okay
with affairs outside marriage.’
‘Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere. Why don’t I have three hands? I have to send
these reports as soon as possible,’ I took the piece of bread in my hand and said,
stretching my body.
‘You have three hands. You are using two and there is one between your legs that you
haven’t used for very long.’ she showed me a paper making a hole in that and wrote ass
just above it—asshole. She laughed devilishly and I showed her a vampire face. She ran
away to the hall.
I sent those reports and a pop up message flashed on my Google talk. He was Vishal.
He was now famous as macho man among people of his group because of his
machogiri.
Vishal: What’s going on, man? She was looking so gorgeous and hot today.
Me: Who?
Vishal: Deepika… Look at her curves 34-25-36 and especially her ass…perfect.
Me: Lol. Why do you do all these things?
I wanted to know why he was always this weird and he had a simple answer for that.
Vishal: Girls always like my herogiri. I’ll not die with the regret that I couldn’t sleep
with the sexiest girl. I will not die thinking that I drove only Maruti 800 in today’s world
of Ferrari, Ascari and McLaren. Even you should try once.
Me: I’m happy with my Bajaj Chetak life.
I had some other priorities in life and I believed that even girls who like boys like
this, liked them only for thrills and sex; in reality, they don’t really ‘like’ them as people.
Girls like funny people to have fun with and want a decent man to spend the rest of their
life—my mind said this and my heart supported it and I accepted this fact
wholeheartedly.
Vishal: have you got any reply from Ria.
Me: No.
The mentioning of the name was enough to made me fall for her, yet again.
Me: Chal…logging out. Take care. Good night.
I checked my G-mail account, clicked on sent items randomly and looked at Ria’s
photographs and went through the longest voicemail to listen to her voice. Even small
things associated with the one you love give you great pleasure.
I had been doing this for more than two years now.
Because (I thought) we had a fight just for a gold chain and she was so much angry with me that we didn’t talk to each other till the date. Sometimes I used to think, ‘Am I
okay? Why am I doing the same thing every day? Is this not madness?’
At the next moment, I assured myself that if this was madness then I was happy with
it, at least I didn’t need sleeping pills. I
clicked one of those old chats.
Chat with Ria:
Ria <m…16cool@gmail.com> to me
10:46 p.m. Me: What are you doing?
Ria: Nothing, I have been waiting for you for the last 45 minutes.
10:46 Me: Oh my shona, I’m so sorry. I was with Mamma.
Ria: What is she doing?
Me: Packing food and the basen ke laddoo I got her to make especially for you.
Ria: Oh really, say love you to aunty.
Me: I’ll say thanks to mom and keep love you for me.
Ria: Thanks
10:49 p.m. Me: For what? :O
Ria: For being with me always. I love you.
Me: Love you too. Now go to sleep. It’s late.
Ria: No
Me: What no?
Ria: Just want to hear your voice for some time.
Me: Okay, you come in your room. I’ll call you.
Ria: Luvvvvvv youuuuuu
Me: Love you tooooo.
My cell phone beeped with a message.
My eyes fell on my inbox. It showed…Inbox (786)
As Kavya always said that 786 is a lucky number and coincidentally my inbox
showed 786 messages, so I was curious to open it. I just clicked on it. The mail had
come from the email id—m…16cool@gmail.com. Everything stopped for a moment and
I started going through it—
Hi Hitesh,
I know this will come as a shock for you and that’s obvious. Please
read this mail patiently.
We realize many things in life when we lose everything. I don’t
know at what stage I am but I loved you a lot and this heart still
beats for you. I have made many mistakes but there were some reasons
behind them. I don’t know whether you love me still but I want to
share a few things about my life that I never shared with you earlier—
Every girl needs a support. Every girl wants love of a family.
Every girl wants to be happy and loved by someone in her life. My dad
was everything for me. I could leave anything in my life but never my
dad.
When a girl says that she wants ‘space’, that doesn’t mean
distance. It means she wants an open sky to shape her desires, wishes
and dreams. Many times, I felt insecure because I had no goals.
After all vicissitudes, I never believed in love and relationships
because I was deeply hurt.
When I came out of all this, you came in my life and we became good
friends. I had never even dreamt of this true and pure friendship.
I didn’t feel that you
were not with me even for a single moment. Any girl dreams for a guy
like you and I started loving you but I didn’t want to break my
friendship and somewhere I also feared that someday you’d also leave
me, so I never told you that I love you.
You always pampered me as my dad used to, you listened to me as an
elder sister and you always discussed everything with me like the best
partner in the world.
We loved each other deeply but I
fought with you many times in frustration because I needed you
physically close to me and that desperation came out as anger. Being
physical doesn’t mean you have to have sex every time but that you
need a physical presence to support, pamper and love you. When a girl
loves someone, she wants to come close to her love emotionally and
physically. Physical need is equally important as emotions and
feelings in a relationship. Moreover, when you came, we had a good
time. Months passed and you fulfilled all my dreams.
Misunderstandings come in every relationship and I fought with you
many times. I was wrong at many points of time but I didn’t mean to
hurt you. Day by day things went in the wrong direction. I tried to
manage but I couldn’t. Expecting too much in a relationship brings
trouble sometimes and I did the same. However, when I thought to meet
you, next day you were with me. I just loved the way you made me feel
every moment. I can surely say it’s impossible to find a guy like you.
It was May, I got a call from Mamma that dad was in the hospital and
when I left,
I had lost my dad. I started hating love because I was very hurt. I
had lost everything after losing my dad.
We didn’t talk much during those days and I stopped talking to
everyone. I stopped bathing and eating. I just missed my dad sitting
in my room and cried. I used to throw the food in the dustbin and one
day when Mami came to know about it, she realized that I had some
serious problems. My menstruation cycle stopped all of a sudden for
three months. I was shocked, took the pregnancy test, and told my
mother. When my Mamma and mami talked to the doctor, she said that
mental stress can temporarily alter the functioning of the
hypothalamus—an area of your brain that controls the hormones that
regulate your menstrual cycle.
I used to fight with everyone and I started hating people who
talked about me. For two months I didn’t go to college and when you
called me, I needed you and wanted to tell you everything but I
shouted on you and we couldn’t manage.
We fought and I cried alone. The mishap happened so I couldn’t meet
you.After two months, I started going to college and if someone
listened to me, it was Arpan—but he was just a friend then. He cared
for me and listened to me. He never made me feel lonely. He was a very
good friend. Many times, I felt you in his deeds and behaviour. I
started sharing my feelings with him and he started liking me. I never
liked him more than a friend.
One day he called me for a movie, I went with him, as he was my
good friend but nothing more than that. In the middle of the movie, he
kissed me. I tried to stop him but that happened and he went ahead and
came physically close to me.
After returning from the theatre, I didn’t talk to him but I missed
you too much. Whenever we fought and cried in frustration, he made me
happy. Even in college he took care of me when my dad left.
I started talking to him and again we went for a movie and the same
things happened. I regretted after doing this but I failed in front of
hormonal changes in my body. I started hiding things from you but I
never loved him. I didn’t know what I was doing. This continued for a
few fortnights.
One day, our group of friends planned a party at his place. He
called me to his house an hour earlier, however. When I reached there,
no one else had arrived yet and he asked me to wait while he made
coffee for me.
I was having coffee and he hugged me from behind. I tried to stop
him but he forced me to come closer. By hook or crook, his wishes won
and what happened next was something I never expected, not even in my
worst nightmares. He pushed me on the bed and put on a condom. He
started tearing my clothes off while I struggled under him. I screamed
and when he came to know that I had my periods, he slapped me and
threw me on the floor. All this felt like a horrible dream. I ran away
and cried the whole night.
That day I tried your number but your number didn’t exist because
you had moved to Chandigarh. Before I could try to find you, next morning
Arpan felt sorry for whatever he had done but it didn’t matter
anymore. I had lost my virginity. That was a day when again I was hurt
and felt cursed being a girl. Without saying anything, I ran away.
Again, I thought of contacting you but I had already hurt you a lot
and it had been more than two years. Why would you accept me; someone
who had lost her virginity with someone else. Making myself believe
that you must have forgotten me, I never tried again to contact you. I
used to cry alone in my room. One day when I fainted in college, my
friend Shruti asked about me, and I told everything to her. Shruti
called my mother and Mami. They took me to the doctor to consult about
my health because I had lost seven kgs in a month. It was shocking for
everyone that I was suffering from Hemolytic anaemia. Red blood cells
in my body were getting destroyed and I had a lower than normal number
of red blood cells. My condition worsened and I needed blood every
fortnight.
One moment I was happy and the other, I shouted. I only started
thinking about myself and became desperate to get whatever I wanted to
achieve. People started discussing about me saying things like I was
insane and mentally tortured. I wanted to prove to them that I was
still a girl, who was the prettiest of all. This thought gave me some
comfort and my life became normal. I never regretted whatever I did.
My arrogant behaviour hurt many of my friends. I could see changes in
my language and behaviour; I was becoming very selfish and spent my
day indulging in daydreams. My mental health worsened even more.
Mamaji and Mamma consulted doctors; they diagnosed me as a patient of
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), Psychotic and Manic disorders
together. This was horrible to accept.
They suggested consulting specialists for these disorders. I had
never heard of these disorders and then I read about them and that
scared me. Everything was ruined in two weeks. Every day seemed like
the last day of my life and every week that I lived was a blessing.
Doctors said that NPD and psychotic disorders were severe and I
couldn’t be cured completely. I started living my life on mercy.
Everybody treated me like a patient and that made me weaker every day.
Everybody started ignoring me; I lost my friends and their trust
because I used the wrong way to achieve my goals. I was scared of
nights and sleep. In the middle of the night, I used to wake up and
cry. I stopped going to college. It took me around six months to come
out of this horrible phase of my life and these disorders but I was
still having the mood swings. Things changed and I started going to
college and completed my MBA.
Yesterday, I was coming back from my office and my eyes fell on an
unknown girl who was reading a blog on her laptop. Firstly, I ignored her but the
last name written on the blog caught my attention as the first name
was not clearly visible. I went ahead and asked her about the blog.
When I turned the page, it was you. I couldn’t understand what was
that and what to do. I just read the blog and
finished it in half an hour.
Hitesh, I know I have hurt you but I love you a lot. I know it’s not
possible for any guy to accept a girl like me but I know about my
guy:) This heart still beats for you. If I still deserve you, I’ll
wait for you till the last breath.
Waiting for your call. I’m coming to Chandigarh next week, hope to meet
you.
Your still-stupid girl,
Ria.
CHAPTER 4
WHO COULD WAIT FOR HEAVEN?
My eyes were wet as I sank to the floor. There was pain in them but those teardrops
poured a deep happiness into my heart. I hugged the laptop and closed my eyes for some
time. Why? Why? Why did you take so long to tell me?
I could feel her presence in my veins. That moment was untold, unpredictable and
not less than a dream that had come true. I felt a tingling in my stomach and anticipation
that I couldn’t explain to anyone. I felt captivated, charmed, ecstatic, elated and
joyous…all at the same time. My lips stretched into a broad smile and my eyes filled
with tears of patience, love and dedication.
Those pages stayed in my life forever. For a moment I couldn’t understand what had
happened—I had found the one for whom I had left everything, my friends, my family
and my life. All my dreams came to life once again. In my madness of love, I took my
cell phone and dialled her number and then suddenly our old days came in front of me. It
was tough but I disconnected the call and at the same time, I called Varun. Those rings
seemed much longer than the other day. I was walking in the room, smiling alone with
tears.
‘Again you’ve called me in the middle of the night. Do one thing, come marry me and
be with me forever. Can’t you see me happy?’ he said in an unclear voice.
His tinkling voice made me laugh but I couldn’t because I remembered and realized
something. I followed his words and responded, ‘Varun, I’m serious. I wanted to tell
you something from so many days but didn’t have the courage to say it. We both are very
good friends, we know about each and everything. Even I know that you’re thinking the
same thing now.’ he fell silent.
‘I was just looking at my mail and I got her back in my life,’ I said in a very low
voice. Suddenly he asked, ‘What did you say?’ I replied in the same tone, slow and
low, ‘I just got her mail. She’s coming to Chandigarh next week.’
He started shouting, ‘You bitch…bastard…fuck off…you got her back. I’m so happy
for you. Tell me everything from the starting, how and when?’
‘She has sent me a long mail. I knew that she loved me a lot and she has written
everything in it and has given her number so that I can contact her. I don’t know how to
react.’
‘Then what are you doing? You have her back…the one you waited for so long. I
salute your love story, man. You won’t believe in the morning my right eye was flickering
and now I know the reason why,’ he seemed emotional but happy for me.
There are some beliefs about flickering eyes in Hindu mythology. Some people
believe it brings good luck and some believe it brings bad luck. If a man’s right eye
flickers, it’s a good sign for him and if his left eye flickers, then it is considered bad. In
case of women, it’s the opposite.
‘This should be a great meeting, so I’m going to Kurukshetra tomorrow. You sleep, see
you,’ I said.
‘Good night. I haven’t seen a crazy guy like you. Inform me whenever you reach
here, meet her and meet me if you get time from your so called shona,’ he teased me but
there was sweetness, love and care in his words. He disconnected the call. I threw the
phone on the bed and walked to the kitchen and had a glass of water, moved to the wash
room and washed my sleepy face.
I booked a flight ticket for 5.00 a.m. as she used to leave 9.00 a.m.
so that was perfect time to give her a surprise. I texted Neha early in the morning—This
may surprise you but the day has come to meet my girl. I’m leaving for kurukshetra, boarding
the flight, so switching off my cell phone. Thank you for being with me, my dream has
come true today.
‘What will I gift her, I don’t have anything to give her! If I don’t get anything in the
morning in Kurukshetra, then…’ I felt helpless, as I had nothing to gift her. I looked at the statue
of Lord Shiva and smiled with pleasure. I picked the red sacred thread and kept it in a
box. In Hindu religion, marriageable maidens pray to Lord Shiva for the husband of their
choice. They even fast on Mondays to push their wish list to Lord Shiva. According to
Hindu beliefs, the month of Saawan, which begins mid-July, is auspicious for unmarried
girls and if they observe somwari vrat (fast) on either one, two or sixteen Mondays, they
are blessed with good husbands.
Therefore, I picked up the thread as a sacrament of Lord Shiva. I came downstairs.
‘Should I call an autorickshaw?’ Manoj, the security guard asked. He always took care
of me and I used to sit with him whenever I felt alone and we shared a strong bond. He
used to discuss his problems with me.
‘No, I’ll catch one from the next crossing. I’m leaving for Kurukshetra, you take care of
yourself. I discussed about your salary with the manager of the society, hope you’ll get it
this week.’ I patted his shoulder and picked up my bag.
‘Thank you,’ he looked happy.
I caught the cab at the next turn after walking for five minutes. My heart began racing
the moment the cab pulled into the airport parking lot.
I could sense the excitement of passengers waiting to be flown to their far-flung
dream destinations like me.
‘Lover Boy,’ my mind said to me in a honeyed voice. This happened after almost two
years when my mind and my heart felt the same thing at the same time, ‘Lover Boy’ else
my mind always talked about pros and cons, and my heart always talked about love.
I reached the airport. There were different kinds of people there. The smell of sweet
perfume mingled with the smell of jet fuel. I recognized the smell of fading perfumes that
women were wearing. The whir of wheels on marble and concrete mixed with the
mechanical, yet pleasant, voices on the public address systems calling for someone to go
to the nearest courtesy phone, or announcing that flight 346 is now boarding at gate 7. As
I joined the queue at the check-in desk, I could see groups of people talking about travel
and what they would do when they arrived in Delhi. They seemed excited. Their faces
were brimming with happiness. I developed a virtual relationship with the passengers
who were travelling to Kurukshetra; it soon seemed like I knew every one of them.
There was still an hour to go before I reached my destination. I felt the thrum of the
engines at take-off and the vibration of the plane during the flight in my skin and I could
feel the fragrance of love all around. I closed my eyes and smiled alone.
‘What happened?’ A cute baby girl sitting next to me with her mother pinched my
hand softly, raised her eyebrows in naughtiness, and blinked. I smiled at her. He mother
held her hand and said, ‘Baby, sit properly.’ I touched her cheeks softly and asked,
‘What’s your name?’
Before her mother could say something, the baby girl answered, ‘My name is Mukta
but Mamma calls me Mukku beta.’
‘Hawww shoo shweettt…’
She looked so cute and her babbling voice won my heart. As I heard a couple behind
me chatting about the weather in Kurukshetra, it looked as I expected…so romantic. Things
become pink, days become long, and nights become short when you fall in love. Life can
change anytime, so just live the day and consider it the best day of your life.
Knotting threads of romance in my heart, I was on the way to meet her.
That mail surprised me you are too strong man and a real man who can't hurt his girl even not in dream 😊😊😊that's true feel proud to read this story not of a nice auther but also of a nice man 😊😊😊
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